Operation Rumba

The Domination of Eiler Invades the Southern Hemisphere
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The Domination of Eiler's Brazilian offensive is underway.

For this mission, the Domination has shifted its operation journal to plain (well, nearly plain) text.  The expeditionary force is travelling light, and editing via cell phone.
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To My Fellow Travellers:

Don't be alarmed, citizens.  Just as one Samuel Clemens once wrote travel guides under the pen name "Mark Twain", I now write them under the pen name "The Domination of Eiler".  You can find out much more about the Domination, at  http://www.eilertech.com/domination/ .

For the purpose of this travelog, it's sufficient to know:

•	The Domination is led by, of course, the Dominator.
•	Its chief military force, and bodyguard of the Dominator, is the Domination Guard.
•	The Domination's world headquarters is in Scumburg-Illinois, near Chicago.
•	The purpose of the Domination is, of course, world domination.  But it is content to leave most normal governmental functions to the current authorities.
•	The Domination grants its protection to all within its powers, even to larval humans.  Hence its alliances with various children's charities such as the "Christian Children's Fund", or "CCF".  Hence its forces' presence on a CCF tour to Brazil. 

(signed) Scott Eiler, for the Domination of Eiler.
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Day 0:  Thursday 8 September 2005

More time for rest and mission preparation would have been a good thing.  But this was not to be.  Fortunately, the preparations were practically complete.

Tomorrow's a vacation day, but today's a work day.  But the Domination's coalition partner "Some Big Company" has kindly given the expeditionary force the afternoon off... on condition that the Domination of Eiler organize a department picnic.  
•	The Domination is actually a good choice for this, because it throws a big party every Halloween, so is familiar with party logistics.  
•	And today this helps the Dominator indulge his manic tendencies to dominate more than one thing at a time.

The picnic was well received, though attendees said, more food would have been good.  But the $5 price was right, compared with the $15 contribution in previous years.  And coalition partners provided interesting beverages, including tequila.  Still, the Domination recommends, let's not do shots up front.

Informal team outing afterward, of course.  Late return to EilerBase.
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Day 1:  Friday 9 September 2005
Insertion Day

Domination expeditionary force airlifting out of Chicago O'Hare to Miami, then to Sao Paulo, finally Fortaleza.  24 hours of flights lie ahead.  Fortunately these start in the afternoon, thereby allowing late arisal.

Minimal remaining preparations completed without incident.

Taxis (All-Star Cab) and airlines (American) entirely congenial (aside from U.S. Ritual of Humiliation at airport) and on time through Chicago to Miami, though the alcohol rations are pricey.  

Dinner and amber beer (plus some fancy tequila) conquered at the Miami airport's Jose Cuervo Tequileria. The liquor selection would make the tequila-loving coalition partners drool with envy.  But for food, cafeterias do better.

Miami gives rebellion and massive opposition to Domination.  The Domination baggage is already cleared to Brazil.  But for checkin, humans must stand in a line that rivals Disney World... except at Disney World, the lines never just stop.

After that, of course, the Domination expeditionary force must again undergo the U.S. Ritual of Humiliation, wherein freelance security personnel force the removal of dangerous items from one's body, such as wallets, watches, coins, cell phones, boots, and belt buckles.  Second time today. 

Of course, all barricades eventually fall to Domination.  Also, contact made with allied forces, and Conquering Cell Phone recharged at the friendly tequileria.  Overnight airlift to Sao Paulo is on track.  All praise to the One Maker.
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Day 2:  Saturday 10 September 2005

Domination Guard expeditionary force manages to get a few hours of something like sleep, thanks to two layers of sonic shielding.  Anti-Domination forces in the next row manage to be louder than jet engines, but their effort to keep the Domination awake is thwarted.

Arrival in Brazil on schedule.  Much, much standing in lines ensues.  Coffee shop conquered, but just barely, and only after massive willful resistance. 

Also, some swapping of stories with the Appleton-Wisconsin contingent.  It seems we've shopped in each other's malls!  That of Scumburg-Illinois is bigger, of course; the Wisconsinites go there once a year.  Later discovered, Iowans do too.

Then, of course, another airplane ride, to Fortaleza (a.k.a. "Brazil's Caribbean") in the state of Ceará.  Then a bus ride.  And then finally the hotel.

The Seara Praia Hotel is Domination grade, but only in the public areas.  The rooms are more like Motel 6.  And the neighborhood is louder than Bourbon Street... even from before New Orleans sank.  Nonetheless, naptime was conquered.

Mass quantities of meat consumed at Spettus, a churruscaria (a.k.a. "Parade of Meat") chain in six Brazilian and Argentine cities.  Domination grade, but everything other than meat was a buffet.

Then finally bed.
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Day 3:  Sunday 11 September 2005

Probably the single most important mission day in Domination history.  Mission successful.

•	Mission is in conjunction with a CCF Study Tour pilot program.   For the first time, CCF will film the whole tour for promotional purposes.
•	... Enter the Domination of Eiler.  Mission is to make contact with the Domination's Brazilian allies, particularly Cristiane, the 17-year-old woman who receives Domination/CCF sponsorship.  
•	The allies live six hours bus ride out of town, at Comunidade do Base do Sao Pedro near Ipauca, Ceará.  CCF judged a ground assault on the base to be impractical.  
•	Therefore, the allies will remain outside Domination-held territory - unless, for the first time ever, minions go forth to conquer under the Domination's flag.  And this may be possible.
•	CCF was kind enough to bus the natives to the coastal resort town of Taiba, where Domination and allied forces arranged to meet them.  There, the natives might be converted to.the Domination cause.

The mission included five hours of "hearts and minds" socio-economic campaigning under continuous equatorial midday sun.  Domination forces emerged psychologically tired and with scalp burns (from the "swimming pool" phase of the campaign), but nonetheless wildly victorious.  

The natives enthusiastically submitted to the Domination, especially when the 4-person contingent was bribed with $3 worth of ice cream.  
•	The young woman of the party acted all surprised to discover, the Dominator is her mother's age.  The Dominator may not have more teeth than her mother, but he still has all his front teeth.
•	Of the many trinkets exchanged, the miniature Domination battle flag was the most popular.  (It was explained as "I like flags so much, I made my own.")  This flag will be planted in the south of the province - thereby establishing the Domination's claim there.  This is the first region ever conquered solely by Domination minions.
•	The Domination/Illinois pin and the Domination/Ceará T-shirt also got attention.  And according to CCF plan, it's all on film.

More importantly... CCF analysts reported, the Domination's current sponsored girl was ready to drop out of school, due to chronic indigestion.  But once she heard the Dominator was paying her a personal visit, her health improved.  All praise to the One Maker.
•	According to the Episcopal Church, the Dominator would therefore immediately qualify as the Anglican patron saint of psychosomatic gastritis cures - if he were dead.  
•	Fortunately, under Domination rules, all praise for miracle cures goes to the One Maker.  This makes the Dominator's continued presence among the living, irrelevant for sainthood purposes.
•	Besides, gastritis often goes away when one stops worrying about gastritis.  It's happened that way to the Dominator.
•	For what little material assistance it gave, the Domination is just glad to help.  It really does grant its protection to all within its powers.  Even unto moody teenage girls throughout the world.

The Domination's previous sponsored girl still lives in that same village, and works for CCF as a teacher!  
•	This indicates that long-term indoctrination may be expected from this program.  
•	CCF couriers consented to send the woman a congratulatory note from the Dominator.

Back on the bus, Domination Guard force took refuge among translators instead of tourists, thereby allowing mental rest instead of chattering about how wonderful children are.  Operational music '1995' (Julian Cope) and 'The Refugee' (U2) provided by the Conquering Cell Phone, now programmed with 40 hours of music.  Translators liked what little they heard.

Bus tour of Fortaleza followed.  
•	Fortaleza somewhat resembles any North American beachfront city, only with more stucco and more open-air patios.
•	Ceará trivia:  The state name means "Sahara".  The state was named by Portuguese explorers who were really, really lost.
•	Brazil trivia:  33 political parties, and electronic voting system with mandatory participation.  Education not mandatory, though.  Just as in USA, the system is built upon stupid voters.
•	Cars here run on gasoline, sugar alcohol, or any combination thereof.  Some cars here even run on french fry grease!  Gas costs about $4 a gallon, alcohol $3.  $@%! electric hybrid cars, the Domination wants an alcohol hybrid.

Mixed success in evening activities.

•	Buffet dinner at hotel, simple but good.  
•	Shopping excursion to open air market afterward, unproductive.  At least street urchins didn't swipe the Dominator's wallet... though they obviously wanted to.
•	Domination Guard force retreated to hotel rooftop bar, but eventually yielded it to friendly-but-annoying Swiss fratboys.
•	But finally caught up with journal!

Day was pleasant overall, and certainly better than Norteamericano maudlin fascination with the disaster before last.  Bom dia 11 Setembro!
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Day 4:  Monday 12 September 2005

Finally enough sleep.  

Fellow travellers a fun lot, in reasonable doses. 
•	Some of them might even outdrink the Domination Guard, judging from how they add vodka to the local sugar alcohol punch recipe to make it less wimpy.  
•	They have no complaints about the beastly hot weather.  Some of them can't walk on stairways, but they soldier on through the tour as best they can.
•	Nonetheless, some of them are finding foreign travel inconvenient.  Some have trouble getting change for a 50 from street merchants.  (In reality, U.S. street fairs have that problem too.)  Others have trouble getting favorite foods here, and keeping the flies off it.
•	As expected, the 44-year-old Guard trooper is indeed the second youngest.  (CCF has confirmed this.)  The youngest is 18-year-old Monica, who's possibly the youngest CCF sponsor ever.  The oldest is 85-year-old Stan, and he's quite a trooper.

Conquest of a local CCF project today, Pecem, well west of city.  Much like elementary school anywhere.  
•	Classrooms have Spider-Man and Powerpuff Girls on walls.  Vowels on walls too, of course.  
•	Children learn the food pyramid, apply crayons to pictures of their country, and sing a variant of the popular Domination carol, "If You're Happy And You Know It, Pray for Death".

But Brazilian schoolchildren do some things the Norteamericano schools don't.  

•	They gather round to watch the luxury motorcoach turn off the paved road.  It's a spectacle.
•	They look attentively at any electronic device that can display pictures.  The cameras are the main attraction, but one child liked the pictures on Eilertech.com, thanks to the Conquering Cell Phone.  
•	They go to the dentist, who keeps an office there and visits from town.
•	They dance the Forró (or "For all", in the original WWII American).  As the expeditionary force discovered, the visitors get to dance too.  The Domination Guard aerobics force got many compliments, for being almost able to keep up.
•	They even have a capoeira martial arts club!  Visitors don't get to dance with them, though.

Equatorial campaigning has its peculiarities, especially during dry season.  For one thing, the Domination Guard is showing the world what happens when you drink lots of water, but never sweat.  Fortunately, the Guard has a well-developed skill at finding bathrooms.

Back in Fortaleza, a Domination/CCF detachment subjugated most of the Mercado Central, which rivals the big mall of Scumburg-Illinois in size, and exceeds it in tackiness.  Linguistic support by CCF translators allowed much conquest.  The Domination went away with:
•	Brazilian national soccer pants, $11.  Big ticket item.
•	Martial arts pants, $7.  Replacing a ratty old pair from 1985.
•	Postcards, $0.25 each.
•	One litre "cachaça" sugar alcohol, $3.  Best when prepared as "caporinha" with ice cubes, sugar and limes.  Said to be vile and fiery otherwise.  The Domination says, bring it on.

At market, Domination Guard repelled a whiny street urchin who hangs out at ATMs hoping for handouts.  No linguistic support was needed for this.

At hotel, brief online foray by Domination cyber-force at lobby cyber-café, to notify select Christian coalition partners of mission success.

Fancy dinner tonight, at waterfront restaurant.  Still a buffet, of course.  But no flies at table.  Fellow expeditionaries pleased.  

Brazilian red wine from south of country conquered by a combined Domination/CCF force, by recommendation of native guide.  Tasty.  Moderately priced, too, compared with that Chilean stuff.  Likely the first of many.
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Day 5:  Tuesday 13 September 2005

CCF force rushes off to conquer another market.  Domination Guard says farewell to local support staff, gives trophies and business card to particularly helpful translator Aljandra, then heroically stays behind on a solo mission to subjugate the beach.
•	Beach very hot and bright, and unsafe for swimming.  What's the point?  
•	However, helpful sandal merchant Abe says hi to CCF member Kent, who on a previous patrol helped fix Abe's computer problems.  Domination almost conquered some sandals, then thought better.
•	Leisurely evacuation of hotel room then accomplished.  Lobby bar and cyber-café briefly occupied, alongside sensible fellow traveller Jinner who prefers Internet to shopping.  Domination cyber-force stayed off-net, though. 
  
Domination Guard baggage is as big as ever, despite discarding trinkets, trashy fitness magazines, and ratty old clothes.  And the carry-ons are swelling.  One litre of alcohol takes some blame, but free swag from CCF has contributed to problem.  
•	So far, CCF has issued two shirts, including one T-shirt, for wearing to projects - despite earlier advice to dress "business casual".
•	Cashews, water bottle, and very small hat also issued.  These to be parceled out to associate-Eilers, thereby reducing the need to shop.

After a buffet lunch, a mass airlift to Belo Horizonte in the state of Minas Gerais ensued.  Domination Guard assisted coalition partners in baggage handling, then led assault on checkin counter and Brazilian security checkpoint.  
•	Minimal resistance; Brazilians have handheld metal scanners and are happy to let the troops keep their boots on.
•	Cell phone charged throughout.  All public places offer Northern Europe and U.S. combination outlets.
•	Free beer on planes, even domestic flights!

Stopover in Brasilia, which has ranch houses, cloverleaf highway exits, and a nice sunset.

Spectacular welcome at Belo Horizonte airport by CCF junior drum corps.  The Domination had preliminary intelligence of this from a CCF newsletter, but the coalition partners were floored.  So were many casual onlookers.  Amazing how well a drum can sound when it's made from a steel can. 

Bus into Belo Horizonte from airport, 45 minutes.  Tour guide regaled us with story of how a nearby city called Ouro Minas, primary Western Hemispheric nerve center of civilization, rebelled from colonial rule in 1789 and expected the (nonexistent) U.S. Continental Navy to save them...  Suckers!

Quarters obtained at Ouro Minas Palace five-star hotel.  Tallest atrium ever conquered by Domination.  But still lacks the coveted award of "Domination Grade":  fully 3/4 of its hotel rooms overlook a main highway.  And all rooms overlook a loud piano bar.  Damn, it's loud.  Fortunately, Domination earplugs are compensating.
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Day 6:  Wednesday 14 September 2005

CCF slum project "Land of the Happy Child" conquered.  Many trophies taken, practically all made by CCF child laborers, largely out of popsicle sticks.  
•	This particular slum neighborhood is said to be dangerous.  Most slums here are. But at least it's not a shanty town.
•	Child laborers there are well treated and educated, of course.  If all goes well, they'll grow up to become the master class in other slum projects.
•	In exchange for captured trophies, the Dominator left his own crayon drawing of a lima bean in Domination colors.  It was hoped that this drawing would mix in with the children's own crayoned lima beans, for the good of all.  But it is suspected that the picture was snarfed for a student's private collection.

Touristy tower "AltaVista" and fancy market conquered.  Very few trophies taken.

Much interest among allies in conquering a typical Brazilian shopping mall, across highway from hotel.  Domination Guard foregoes nap to support mission, but takes no trophies of note.  It really was a typical shopping mall.  
•	Likewise, Belo Horizonte is a typical working-class city the size of Chicago, only hillier and more European-looking.  
•	And it's important enough, that Mikhail Gorbachev had just finished visiting there.  Indeed, he may have hijacked the CCF camera crew from Ceará.

Buffet dinner and Parade of Meat at 'Baby Beef' churruscarria, across highway from hotel.  Much eating of meat and drinking of wine, of course.  Domination Guard drinking wine in team solidarity, but eating many veggies just to be different.
•	Some allies share that sentiment, and beyond.  Indeed, some would just eat crackers in hotel room after these action-packed days.  Others are ready to ditch other people's kids, and go hang out on Internet.

Still, we admire this tour.  They care enough for our safety, to arrange a heavily armed escort to the slum project.  Even closer to the hotel, security measures are in place.
•	All transport across nearest highway is by van.  Native guides say walking that distance after dark is unsafe, even for a group of 35 people with several husky males.  
•	But several natives were observed braving that transit, individually or in pairs.  Have the people of the Domination grown so wimpy, or is armed banditry against tourists still a problem near Brazil's five-star hotels?

CCF also cares for our teeth, just like they care for the children's teeth.  
•	A filling in one of the Dominator's teeth became a casualty of heavy brushing this afternoon.  Usually he'd send the Domination Guard to the drugstore for a temporary filling.  But the nearest drugstore had none.
•	CCF staff promptly went into action.  After establishing that Brazil has no such thing as self-service dental fillings, they scheduled a dental appointment for tomorrow morning.
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Day 7:  Thursday 15 September 2005

Dentistry accomplished.  Particularly helpful translator Juliana, and the Western Hemisphere's politest taxi driver Walteir, provided logistical support.
•	Arrival at dentist office five minutes later than scheduled, due to traffic jam, but still before dentist ready.  Gotta love Brazilian time.
•	Office waiting area, like most shops, is open-air.  Office itself behind small partition.
•	All dentists seen in CCF projects here are female.  Today's dentist no exception.
•	Dentristry completed with minimal fuss.  And without anasthesia, just like for real Brazilians!  But painless nonetheless.  (The Dominator's teeth are used to this crap.)
•	And all covered by CCF!  Unlike some tour companies, they're insured for this stuff.  Thanks, CCF!

Resort restaurant Xapuri selected as local rendezvous point, and overrun by waves of CCF native and tourist forces, later reinforced by the Domination contingent and its happy teeth.  The defenders never had a chance.  
•	Much, much food was conquered, as were pony rides for the children.  Handlers swore the horses would bolt beneath the weight (or age, or whatever) of any adult, especially the Dominator.  One (small) grown-up took the chance and survived, though.
•	A pricey gift shop was bypassed, aside from four samples of cachaça.  Santa's putting white lightning in the stockings this year!
•	During occupation, some CCF troopers declared mutiny and went back to hotel for naps.  Domination forces stayed on for moral support, though.  It's the closest this trip has come to relaxation.
•	And, not only caught up with journal, but chatted up some publicity for it!  Existence of Domination of Eiler revealed to high-ranking CCF allies, including executive secretary of Brazil (Zeze) and philanthropy director of U.S. West Coast (Kent).  
•	"Six Wheels of Domination" and "Death is the Ultimate Success" web log entries shown to allies, and well received. Once the Brazil journal goes online with all the photos, it could become the Domination's highest-traffic web page.

Happy hour at piano bar.  30 tourists and 3 leaders in group; of these, 21 tourists and 3 leaders in bar.
•	Quickly discovered, most of the tourists like songs such as "Feelings" and "You Light Up My Life".  That's probably just as well, because most piano men don't know the real classics, such as "Detachible Penis" and "Don't Fear the Reaper".  (Conquering Cell Phone now programmed to play these.  The Dominator is pleased.)

Goodbye buffet dinner in hotel conference room.  Many trinkets exchanged, at both CCF and Domination levels.  Much, much speechmaking done.
•	Brazil nation-state CCF leader was present to lead a heart-tugging presentation, complete with same-day Minas Gerais tourist movies put to music (aww, cute, but where's Ceará?  Oh, yeah, film crew hijacked by Mikhail Gorbachev), and inspirational karaoke of Garth Brooks and Cristina Aguilera, performed by children.  Quickly discovered, there is worse music than "Feelings".
•	Fortunately for the nation-state of Brazil, glitziness of its movies and quality of its karaoke is irrelevant.  

Even though there be corpses floating in the streets closer to home than Brazil, the Domination of Eiler is with you.  Especially unto your not-so-wealthy regions, where the film crews never go.  But minions of Domination are now on the ground there. And the Domination will not abandon you.
•	... Thanks to the magic of live-action journalling, the above statement was ready as a basis for speechmaking, when the microphone was passed to the audience.  
•	So the Dominator was first to speak.  Softened the language a bit, and replaced corpse and film crew references with children and dentistry, for benefit of sensitive audience.  Multiple compliments received.
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Day 8:  Friday 16 September 2005

Force maneuvers for airborne assault upon Rio de Janeiro start at 5 am.  Thanks so much for extra speechmaking last night, CCF.

Assault via Sao Paulo.  A bus ride would probably be faster, if not as safe.  Oh well, we have cute stewardesses (they're all cute here).  Operational music "We'll Be Leaving This Town in the Morning".

The traditional effort to get an aisle seat for the Dominator failed.  The Camera of Dominance therefore was in position to snap aerial photos of Giant Concrete Jesus of Rio!
•	In non-Domination usage, the statue is known as "Christ the Redeemer".  It stands atop the Corcovado mountain.

On the bus from Santos Dumont city airport, tour guide Marcello provided a running commentary.  For example, Flamingo Park is landfill.  Rio is dotted with mountains, which is very scenic, but not useful.  Rio needs space.  Otherwise it's much like any European city, only with more mountains.

Barracks at new Excelsior Hotel in Copacabana neighborhood.  
•	Its bellhops are incompetent and tend to store luggage in stairwells.  They will not be allowed to handle Domination gear again without immediate supervision.  
•	Walls are too thin to defend against rowdy tourists.  Door leading to next room is no help.  But Domination sonic shields are holding so far.
•	The view is Domination grade.  The Dominator's room has spectacular views of beach on one side, Giant Concrete Jesus on other.  And laundry hanging across the street.  Oh well.
•	Walking around neighborhood said to be safe, but preempted.  Massive naptime conquered.  

Buffet dinner and Parade of Meat at Marius restaurant near the famous Ipanema beachfront.  
•	You can tell it's a Fancy Place, because they'll sell you their T-shirts at your table.
•	The men's PiPi Room has urinals that look like terrariums.  Sorry, ladies, they don't give tours.

Dance show at Plataforma.  Free admission, but they'll do their best to make it up with drinks and souvenirs.  One trophy taken.
•	Audience participation toward end of show, organized by nation.  Largest groups came from Japan, China, Venezuela, and Domination/USA.
•	Song chosen to represent USA was "New York, New York".  Microphone was wisely kept away from Domination Guard choral force.  Performance of "My Kind of Town, Chicago Is" thereby averted.
•	Show ended with parade of nations, led of course by Brazil.  Domination of Eiler was drafted to represent United States of America in the international conga line.  Now that's the sort of patriotism the Domination can support.
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Day 9:  Saturday 17 September 2005

Foggy.  Giant Concrete Jesus does not smile on the Dominator's quarters this morning.  Well, too bad, because Domination is coming for it anyway.
•	Combined forces approached the site via cog railway. Then the Domination Guard stormed the mountaintop on foot.  Elevator for final ascent was faster, though, as the wise elder troopers proved.
•	Scenic views almost entirely eluded the Domination patrols, thanks to cloud cover.  A group photo and an overpriced little wooden Jesus were conquered, however.
•	Tijuca National Rain Forest conquered by jeep on way down.  Rainy and authentic.
•	St. Teresa hippie neighborhood then occupied by jeep.  (Ancient streetcars also an option, but not a reliable one.)  Lunch (not buffet!) at "Sobrenatural" fish restaurant.  
•	Little shops in neighborhood bypassed.  They offer cheap capoeira instruments, but transport home is impractical.
•	Remounted into vans to occupy Metropolitan Cathedral and take photos, to the chagrin of the faithful.  There discovered, Rio is named after St. Sebastian!  (Full name of city, "River of January of St. Sebastian"; site discovered on saint's special January day.)

Early afternoon return to hotel.  Allies rushed off to conquer a gemstone workshop, a supermarket, and who knows what else.  The Domination conquered a nap, then went on heroic solo mission to subjugate the hotel environs.  Souvenir store, supermarket, and beachfront café conquered. 

Domination forces reunited with allies for dinner at "Mio", an Italian restaurant in famous Ipanema neighborhood.
•	You can tell it's a Really Fancy Place, because they don't sell T-shirts at your table, they sell cigars and souvenir erotic-shaped bottles of booze.
•	Excellent beef and fish, with tasty sauce.  The French would love it, if they ever tolerated anything outside France.  Which, according to Marcello the tour guide, they don't.
•	And, full-fledged waiter service.  First time on this tour!

After dinner, Marcello the tour guide led a contingent for entertainment at "Vinicius", a bossa nova bar named after the composer of "The Girl from Ipanema".  Domination forces supported this maneuver, because one Saturday night of jazz in Rio should impress the Domination's subjects more than any number of Sugarloaf Mountains the next morning.
•	According to Marcello, Vinicius was butt-ugly, which explains why the girl from Ipanema wouldn't even look at him.  And the photos on the wall support Marcello's theory. 
•	Bossa nova is nice soothing jazz music, not suited to rowdy American tourists.  Too bad for bossa nova tonight, because the Domination's allies are just here for the fun.  But Marcello sensibly says, enjoy ourselves.
•	Opening act Andréa Montezuma sang the famous song... while her agent moved through the audience selling her CD for $11.  One supposes, Ms. Montezuma may not be all that committed to the uninterrupted audience appreciation of the bossa nova art form either.
•	Maria Creuza is featured artist tonight, and supposedly an original singer of the famous song.  Not necessarily the original singer, because Brazilians claim over 1000 versions of that song.  And of course, she sang it tonight, while an agent hawked her CD for $11.

Late return to barracks.  Morning activities dubious.
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Day 10:  Sunday 18 September 2005
Extraction Day

Investigated possibility of renting room for afternoon nap.  This would cost $200.  Instead, had breakfast and went back to sleep.  Have fun storming the next mountaintop, kids.

Domination forces mobilized at 11 am for solo mission to subjugate some coffee at Maxim's near hotel, then reunited with victorious allies fresh from storming Sugarloaf, for pizza party at (of all places) Maxim's.

Down time after lunch.  Domination Guard escorted some allies for open-air shopping and taking of various trophies.  Also assisted two merchants against high winds.  The Domination really does grant its protection to all within its powers.

Then, solo mission to sample draft beers at "Syndicate of Draft" and "Atlantic Tavern".  
•	Brazilian word for "draft" is "chopp", with long "O".  Don't mispronounce, or they'll serve you whatever they feel like.
•	Some visitors think "chopp" is just a type of "Brahma", a leading brand name.  This is wrong but understandable; some Domination citizens have a similar problem with "Miller Lite".
•	Judging from samples, Brazilian beer variety is about as limited as in Canadian Maritimes.  Within Domination-held territory, only Greenland and Paris are worse.
•	Most Brazilian bars are standing room only.  Only "American bars" there have barstools.  But you can sit at tables and watch passers-by all you like, often even outdoors.  Domination force joined some hardy Brazilians in this practice.  (It's still technically winter here, and cloudy today, with rain closing in, and only 68 degrees Fahrenheit.  Just like a real Domination operation.)

At the end, coffee with allies at hotel before extraction begins.
•	Sources say, the tour group gets high marks for being on time.  (Aside from Kent tonight, who flies for a major airline and can find his own way home if need be.)
•	Much congratulating of selves for leaving a donation for greatest CCF needs in Brazil.  Practically the entire team each chipped in almost as much as the cost of a bottle of local wine, as charged by the local Fancy Places.
•	(The donation fits the Domination plan to contribute for cost of dentistry upon its teeth in Belo Horizonte, so the Domination does not claim any moral goodness here.)
•	In the end, tour group entirely palatable.  Hi, everyone!

Extraction from Rio international airport.  
•	Ticket said no changing of planes for once; ticket lied.  New tickets issued, for transfer in Sao Paulo, of course.  
•	Brazilian security dug through Domination baggage for dangerous-looking breath mints, but left electronics and hard liquor undisturbed.

Nonetheless, Domination plan on schedule.  Victorious return anticipated.  This journal will therefore spare the readers from the next 18 hours of flights and lines and lack of sleep...
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Day 11:  Monday 19 September 2005

... Well, almost.  Reference must be made here, to the two most evil airports of the Western Hemisphere.

1.  Sao Paulo is the Brazilian hub of TAM Airlines, which was lowest bidder to the CCF tour.  Each stage of the tour involved changing planes, usually in Sao Paulo, whether it was on the way or not.  
•	The Brazilians require their passengers to pass security for connecting flights.  This is usually not a major problem, because modern nations such as Brazil have efficient security forces with hand-held metal detectors that they can use on your boots.  But in Sao Paulo, they're too busy and too understaffed to use these.  Just like thoughout "United States" territory.
•	And so, the story will be told on three continents, of how the Domination Guard marched through Sao Paulo barefoot.
•	When the mighty Boots of Dominance were removed from the Domination's feet on approach to the Sao Paulo metal detectors, French people were heard to gasp and chatter.  But the North Americans in the queue got the last laugh, when French boots set off the metal detectors and had to be removed from French feet.
•	Of course, in U.S.-held territory, removing one's boots at the metal detector is a compulsory part of the Ritual of Humiliation. A Brazilian woman observed this in Miami, and said, "You did that in Brazil too!"

2.  Chicago O'Hare Airport is a hub for American Airlines, as well as others.  About half the Domination's allies from Wisconsin and Iowa are being compelled to pass that way from Miami.
•	Even now, Florida has yet another hurricane (Rita) bearing down on it.  But Miami is unaffected as yet.  No, it's O'Hare that has the problem, with whatever light rain they're getting this morning.  And when O'Hare has a problem, it means planes are grounded in (among other places) Miami.
•	The Domination is only moderately annoyed, because it's not in danger of missing a ride home.  Too bad for the allies, though.

But despite these final barricades, the Domination prevails as ever.  All praise to the One Maker.

(signed)  Dominator S. Eiler, Fist of the One Maker, for the Domination of Eiler.
_____________

Tuesday 20 September 2005
After-Action Report

We tourists have each had our fantasies on what we'd do when we got back home.  For some, it's going up to a fast food counter, and ordering a giant-size Diet Coke with lots of ice.  But for the Domination of Eiler, the fantasy is to sit at a barstool, have the world's best beers brought to you, and meanwhile edit the latest web journal on the world's best portable computer equipment.  And so it has been done, back home in Scumburg-Illinois.

On two continents, people have already read the preliminary reports.  The Domination of Eiler apologizes for typos therein.  The typos have been fixed, as best as the Domination cyber-force can tell.  But the adventures have not changed.  Some comments may be added, but nothing can ever be subtracted.

Of more interest, the Domination Guard's pictures are online.  They're not edited or organized yet, but they're all at http://www.eilertech.com/photos/brazil/ .  And the Domination's closest North American allies know about them.  In this one day, the Domination's citizenship has already learned about South America and the Christian Childrens' Fund, just from a pile of pictures with impromptu narration.  If the One Maker so grants, this could be a mighty web site and a travelling show, for the good of all the Domination. 

All hail the Domination - and glory to those who hail it!

(signed) Scott Eiler, for the Domination of Eiler.